A relationship consultant claims that no matter how painful the end of a relationship is, there is a way to get back to normal again in a month.
Parting is heartbreaking tragedy for all involved, as dreams of a common future are shattered forever. However, every end marks a new beginning, and in most cases, after a while, we realize that it was for the good of everyone. It’s confusing that the most difficult and possibly toxic relationship breakups are the ones we have the hardest time getting over. Breakup and relationship consultant Cherlyn Chong claims that there is a way to get rid of the sadness and sorrow we feel in 30 days or less. Just follow these 4 steps.
Step 1. Solution
While it sounds obvious, many people skip this step and immediately delete their phone numbers, block them on social media, and stop all communication. But realizing how we broke up and making a decision about it is a really important part of the process that needs to be to bridge the gap.
“Just decide that you will get through it and you will get through it. That’s the first thing you have to do, not just not have contact, you have to decide that you’re going to forget it.” the coach said insider.com.
“If you do not, the process will take a long time or never end, as your thoughts will constantly return to this issue. You will think why he didn’t call you when he calls you and stuff like that. You have to first decide how you are going to beat someone and then think about how you are going to do it.”
Step 2 Grounding
“Take off your shoes and walk on the grass”, — offers Cherlyn Chong. “Alternative and homeopathic medicine recommend this method as walking on grass removes many free radicals from the body and thus reduces the stress and sadness that can be caused by a stressful situation such as a breakup. Apart from these theories, of course, looking down and feeling the ground at your feet promotes mental health. We use expressions like ‘I’m losing ground from under my feet’, but if you look at your feet on the grass, you will understand that this is not happening, so you can move forward.
Step 3. Opening or clearing
They say that every breakup is a small death, but the coach insists that breaking up and overcoming loss should be about ourselves, not just the other person.
“It sounds paradoxical, but I always tell people that the breakup is not because of the former. Essentially, this is what a breakup means to you as a person. If it was really so beautiful, amazing and unique, we would not be talking about it now. What happens is all about you. The other person made a decision or you discussed it together – either way the relationship is over and now it’s up to you to decide what you really want from the person and make it clear what you will not tolerate from now on in your life.
If you feel that with the end of a relationship you also lose your identity, then this is something you need to really work on. Have you been dependent on your partner? Have you lost confidence? You don’t know who you are anymore, and that’s what needs to change.”
Step 4: The 1% Rule
Our psychology and desires do not change from moment to moment, especially when it comes to deep feelings that we testing for a person. After all, we are the sum of our habits, and in relationships we develop many that are difficult to change. Yes, they can shake our confidence, but they cannot change our worth.
“What needs to change is your mindset. Think of yourself as a flower. If you grow taller than others, you will have access to more sunlight, right? This, of course, will take time, but also methodical work. The 1% rule encourages you to do just that.” Cherlyn Chong says.
“This rule is shows how small changes can help improve our lives. To achieve a big goal, we must start with many small ones. So what you need to do is take the big goal and break it down into smaller ones. Then the smaller ones to even smaller ones. Then make a plan of action, starting with the smallest and working up to the largest. One element from each plan will be 1% of your goal.”
“Thus,” says the expert, “you will feel the difference very soon. Even after two weeks, you will feel that you are closer to your goal than before. And here is the “magic” point of the rule. In a month (if not earlier) from the day you started, you will feel something changing in you.”