Problems come from childhood, psychologist’s notes

Psychologists say that random and at first glance harmless phrases heard in childhood can change, and sometimes destroy our whole life.

Do you know the feeling of deja vu when the phrase you said has already sounded somewhere? Or when your actions are involuntarily subject to criticisms heard long ago? Experts say that most of the problems in a person’s life are to some extent connected with childhood – critical remarks or peremptory instructions from mothers, grandmothers and fathers.

This in no way means that you should blame your parents for your failures in your adult life – they sincerely wished you well and dreamed of raising a worthy, successful, prosperous person. The problem is that some stereotypes of behavior are laid down in childhood, and sometimes a random phrase can affect the appearance of certain behavioral patterns.

Well, for example, psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky explains: criticism tends to reproduce itself. And some words spoken by parents or other older relatives may pop up in your mind already in adulthood. If in childhood you constantly heard that your parents do not have money for toys, trips or other things, the thought that accompanies you in adulthood is firmly fixed in your mind: you do not have money for what you want.

Here is another typical example. Remember how in childhood your mother often asked: “Why are you sitting (watching TV, doing needlework, reading a book, etc.), have you already done your homework?” The result of an often repeated phrase is the inability to fully relax in adult life – you not only don’t know how to do this, but also scold yourself if you allowed yourself to mess around on a day off, writes BB.LV.

And even in the evenings after work, you do not allow yourself to relax and do what you love until you redo everything and check your work email for the hundredth time. And all due to the fact that my mother also did not allow me to “relax” in childhood, reminding me that after completing the homework task, you still need to collect a portfolio or prepare a sports uniform for tomorrow’s workout …

* Deja vu, or deja vu, is a mental state in which a person feels that he has once been in a similar situation or in a similar place, however, experiencing such a feeling, he usually cannot connect this “memory” with a specific moment from the past. Wikipedia.

**A behavioral pattern is a set of “default” scenarios that a person can play on autopilot. This can be a “decent behavior” scenario when meeting business partners, or, conversely, a “fight or flight” scenario when meeting a source of danger and severe stress.

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