Grief from the loss of a loved one: how to help effectively

A clinical psychologist explains how we can really help those who are going through a terrible loss without being burdensome (without intrusiveness) or saying platitudes.

The full experience of grief is the only way for the loss to pass and make sense. When someone in your family is grieving a terrible loss, it’s only natural that we want to be present and be able to offer meaningful help.

Watching someone suffer without being able to do anything about it is often an extremely painful situation that seems impossible to handle. We want to take on a piece of pain, do everything to make our loved one feel a little better, but often we either don’t pronounce the words we need at that moment, we don’t know what to sayor we are talking about “angels who are now in heaven” and so on …

“Your goal is not to make the grieving person feel better, but to make them feel less isolated in their experiences. Be close to him. The person may feel as if they are in a sinking boat. Get on the boat and “sink with him” so that he has company, ”says the psychologist.

But how much can we really offer to a person who has lost his child, his family, everything that he had in life, without disturbing, without grieving, without distracting from the sacred moment of grief, but at the same time providing effective support?

According to clinical psychologist D. Tasha Seiter, the pain of loss and the weight of griefwhether we are experiencing it ourselves or someone close to us, is one of those things that we can’t control.

“The harsh truth is that we will all experience tragedies. With loss, we experience grief. Gore is a natural reaction that usually comes with the feeling that we have lost our security and trust – in life, in people, in situations that we thought we had control over. So when you talk to someone who is grieving, don’t try to drown out his pain. It won’t work and will make them feel even more alone. Their grief just needs to be lived for as long as it takes, no matter how painful it may be for them and for you.

Many experts agree that trying to push away grief is actually what causes depression, and experiencing grief fully is the only way to get past and understand the meaning of loss.”

The specialist explains that the real challenge for those who are trying to really help the grieving is to just be there, present and be flexible.

But what do we say in such situations? Do we speak or are we silent at all? According to the expert, few and simple words help, which help mourners cry, speak, and even flare up. “A grieving person should feel that you are next to him. The pain will still be there, but the heat from human contact will make it a little more bearable.. You must give up this old illusion that you can offer a solution or do something out of the ordinary. The reality is that there is nothing you can do to make the pain and sadness go away. When someone’s heart is broken, let someone be there for a while, able to share this unbearable pain. This is the hardest thing you can do and that’s all you have to do,” concludes the expert.

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