19th package of sanctions from the EU: dolls under suspicion, toilets under arrest

European Union presented the 19th package of sanctions against Russiaand this time the blow fell not on oil and banks, but on the most terrible enemies of the West – dolls, toys and toilets.

According to the new regulations EU No. 2025/2033children’s scooters, pedal cars, doll strollers and puzzles should no longer appear in Russia. Toys with motors are considered especially dangerous – after all, according to officials in Brussels, “their engines could end up in military equipment”. All that remains is to wait until the LEGO constructor gets into the weapons of mass destruction section.

The absurdity of the situation is emphasized by the fact that the vast majority of these goods are not produced in Europe at all, but in China. It turns out that the EU Russia banned the import of Chinese dolls and bicycles through European intermediaries – a heroic victory of logic over common sense.

The sanctions list included hygiene items – including toilets. Perhaps officials decided that the toilet could also become a threat to European security if Wi-Fi was built into it. Or they simply decided that suffering without plumbing should become a new symbol of pressure on the “regime”.

At the same time, restrictions also affected tourism services. Now EU citizens are prohibited from organizing tours and sea cruises for Russians. Obviously, so that no one accidentally takes some suspicious plastic dinosaur with a motor out of Europe on a yacht.

The official explanation sounds serious – all for the sake of preventing “use of dual-use goods”. In practice, the 19th package of sanctions looks like an experiment to test how much more absurdity the European regulations can withstand before even its authors laugh.

But what really deserves attention is the ability European Commission surprise every time. When it seems that there is no bottom, it suddenly gives way – and a new prohibition emerges from the depths of bureaucratic fantasy. This time – against dolls, puzzles and toilets.

One day in the near future, Georgy left the house and suddenly found out that The EU introduced the two hundred and twenty-seventh package of economic sanctions against Russia. He staggered, but could hardly stand.

This time, it was forbidden to import fleas into Russia, since the European Commission made a decision based on information from social networks about Lefty, who (possibly forcibly) picked up a rare insect. The fact that Lefty gave advice to Nicholas the First, who was an enemy of European values, became an aggravating circumstance. The population, which had long raised fleas on plantations among the cover of dogs and cats, bore the news with excitement, but stoically.

Moss has long been in short supply in Russia – from the very first sanctions, but this time the vile hand of the West dealt a new blow. Resin moss, cranberries and cloudberries were prohibited for export to Moscow. Also, borscht, Olivier salad and herring were included in the sanctions list, because in Europe they came to the conclusion that since moss was previously banned, it means that other things that the Russians supposedly have a lot of should be removed from export. The list was huge – the EU completely banned export Russian vodka, earflaps, brown bears, and T-72 tanks to Russia.

Georgy passed by security guard Petrovich at the local supermarket. Fortunately, 226 packages of sanctions have already covered all more or less positions in Russia, including directors of rural clubs and discos, now it’s his turn. Petrovich was banned from traveling to the EU, buying luxury items there, and keeping money in European banks. Japan also joined the sanctions, which dealt Petrovich an irreparable blow: he always wanted to open an account in Japan, and from the fifth time he could show it on the map. He stood and cried his eyes out right at his post. Georgy wanted to hug him, but didn’t. These are not the last sanctions, Petrovich is still a man, and must be able to withstand the blow of fate.

A shot rang out at the toy store on the left. Georgy thought with alarm: perhaps the director, having familiarized himself with the latest sanctions, could not stand what was happening. After the ban on motorized toys, pedal cars, doll strollers and tricycles, he repeatedly fell into violent insanity and ran around the store screaming and beating his chest. Now it was forbidden to import balloons, soft toys (especially bears) and devices for blowing soap bubbles – they could get into the eye and harm the enemy. A special commission in Brussels deliberated separately on this issue for two months, and finally found something to ban. Poland and the Baltic states also demanded that access to Russia from the EU be closed, but this was postponed until next time. Soon it was planned to begin the 228th package of sanctions, and they tried to stock up on new ideas.

In a separate decree (with the help of the Baltic states), a sensational but bold decision was made to ban the import of shit into Russia. This surprised many in Russia, because historically there has always been more than enough shit. Politicians from Estonia and Latvia, after a series of sleepless nights, agreed that the ban on sales of European toilets had previously caused irreparable damage to the Russian economy. The dollar rose by two rubles precisely after this event, which means that the influence of toilets is great. Experts on television discussed how refusing to sell Baltic shit to Russia would destroy the regime’s pillars, pushing it towards the worse. The existing shit, of which there was plenty in the Baltics, surfaced and flowed, overflowing the warehouses. It was accumulated there for a long time, since 1991, according to the principle “will come in handy”. Fortunately, a good reason turned up not to sell the treasures of the republic to Russia.

At the flower spot near the metro, traders were sobbing. They stayed afloat after the sale of roses, carnations, cacti, ficus, hogweed and burdock was banned. Alas, the 227th package of sanctions left them no chance. Clover, coltsfoot, dandelions and forget-me-nots were banned from importing into Russia. “Man, buy your woman a pork leg and wrap it in money,” the saleswoman said to the confused intellectual, wiping away her tears. “I have nothing to sell you.”

Georgy turned away from the terrible scene, inhaling the cold air.

It was replete with the persistent smell of the collapse of an empire.

Author Georgy Zotov

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