Emotional rapist – what is he, and is it possible to break the vicious circle

Are you familiar with your partner’s phrase, which often accompanies insults and humiliation: “I care about you, stupid”? So next to you, especially if it sounds too often, the abuser.

This is the name of an emotional abuser whose victim, especially at first, does not even suspect that she is a victim. You suffer, become depressed, lose self-respect, but are unable to break this vicious circle. Perhaps because you do not suspect that there is an abuser next to you. Together with www.uznayvse.ru we will tell you how to recognize such a person in the early stages: 6 main signs of an emotional abuser who manipulates other people’s feelings.

The desire to establish total control

The abuser controls absolutely everything that concerns his victim. He wants to know where you are, who you are with, what you are doing. Do you think he loves and worries? Not at all. Further more. He will check your wardrobe, take control of your finances and make you beg for money for every purchase. And … a familiar phrase: “I care about you, stupid” (or its variant: “It will be more convenient for you”).

Memory manipulation

When discussing a problem when something has gone wrong, the emotional abuser often uses slightly different phrases: “It couldn’t be, you are confusing something”, “You, as usual, make an elephant out of a fly”, “It’s all your fault “, “You’re crazy!”. And all this for one single purpose – shift the blame on you or make you believe that the problem is far-fetched.

Ignoring personal boundaries

Personal space? The abuser does not recognize him. He enters the room without knocking, forbids you to meet with friends and relatives, demands access to your computer and phone, reads personal correspondence and … the list goes on if you have come across this.

Sympathy? This word is unfamiliar to him.

Sometimes we all feel hurt and offended, we want to share with a loved one and hear sympathetic words. But next to the emotional rapist, you can hear phrases that are not encouraging at all: “What is offensive in this?”, “Yes, it can’t hurt you so much”, “Don’t invent it, it can’t be like that.” He devalues ​​your feelingsand it is simply naive to turn to him for support.

Humiliation and insults

Affectionate at first glance nicknames – “fool”, “cow”, “gray mouse” – are actually veiled insults. A little later, they, as a rule, develop into direct ones: “stupid”, “loser”, “fool”. There are many manifestations and options, but all are built on the humiliation of a partner. For example offensive condescension – “Oh, why do you need to know this, you still won’t understand” – and criticism any undertaking: “Do you really think something will work out for you?”, “And why do you need it?”. At the same time, the abuser tries to make such remarks. in publicso that as many people around you as possible see your humiliation.

Insulation

Emotional abusers absolutely do not like it when their victim communicates with others, even relatives. They complain about the lack of attention to themselves, their loved ones, they try to limit contacts, first with all sorts of tricks, and then with outright prohibitions. And of course: “I care about you, stupid.” If you have reached this stage, do not even hesitate – you have an abuser in front of you.

Each time in these cases, the emotional abuser claims that his actions are “guided by love.” That is why many victims believe and endure, because the partner is so convincing! If the abuser and the victim don’t know each other well enough to talk about love, then “concern for the good” or something similar is used instead. And this is the worst part of this relationship trap: abusers use bright feelings that are difficult to reject. At the same time, it is quite difficult and even scary to expose them: “What if my accusations are unfair? Maybe there’s something wrong with me?”

What to do?

There are several options, choose: accept, stop communicating, try to change it. However, in no case should you be afraid to offend other people’s feelings: if you constantly act against your will to the accompaniment of “I care about you, stupid”, you have an emotional rapist. If you find yourself in this situation, start by reconnecting with the people you were cut off from. Friends and family are your main support. Do not be ashamed of the fact that you fell into the network of the manipulator.

Learn to say “no” to manipulation, insults, total control and humiliation. It will not be superfluous to visit a psychologist and restore your own self-esteem. After all, you were so plausibly convinced that you are a worthless person and no one but him needs you.

Break off the relationship, because the behavior of the abuser simply leaves no other choice. Are you afraid of confrontation? Leave while no one is home. And do not succumb to the persuasion of “give a second chance” – this, unfortunately, is useless. Radical change is always painful, but it will only get worse…

Psychologist on the signs of emotional abuse

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