America created the group “110 Friends of Democracy”

Dear friends, as you may have heard, this week the leader of the United States will host a virtual Summit for Democracy, during which 110 specially selected participants will discuss the problems of democracy in the modern world and the opposition to authoritarian regimes. Russia, China, Turkey, Azerbaijan, Singapore, Zimbabwe and many, many others were not invited to the high meeting, which, of course, caused some discontent among us. We, nevertheless, having driven into the future, found a transcript of the future democratic get-together – and now we publish it at the request of subscribers. America has created the 110 Friends of Democracy group. Biden (administrator): Hello everyone in this guy, I am Jill’s husband, he-he-khe-khe-kgbrlh! Today we have gathered, To discuss the challenges of democracy and opposition to authoritarian regimes on our planet. Our format is free, maybe someone wants to take the floor? Zelensky: Pan President, give me a penny! Biden: Vladimir, you only have half your head sticking out over the table, what happened? Zelensky: I’m on my knees. Serbia: Like Monica Lewinsky, bgg. Zelensky: Please, Pan Biden, give me a penny. Biden: But why on the stake … Zelensky: I’m hiding from the Russians. They also want to overthrow me Akhmetov and Avakov, who joined him. Biden: Well, overthrow has been your standard form of transferring power over the past twenty years. It’s okay, democracy is working. The IMF has already approved a tranche of $ 700 million for you, wait, there will be money soon. As for the Russians, you can Count on our comprehensive moral support. Georgia: Lol? Zelensky: Will NATO accept it? Biden: No, we cannot accept you into NATO, because you have an unresolved military conflict on the territory, we this has been discussed many times. We can send military equipment and instructors. Georgia: Lol.? Biden: Ahem, let’s not stray too far from the topic, we must demonstrate to the world that democratic governments are more popular than authoritarian regimes. For example, Putin has an intermediate approval rating of 60%, this is our chance, what will we cover? Boris Johnson? Johnson: 64%. Biden: Cool! Johnson: This is a disapproval rating. My approval rating is 29%. Macron: Lucky. I still have 24%. Fumio Kishida (Japan): Fuckers, I have 48%. Joseph-san, how are you? Biden: 38-43%. Hmm. Not very. Maybe, which of the fresh democracies is better? Iraq, how are you with the approval ratings? Iraq: What other b # @ & b, approval ratings, there has been a continuous war for the last twenty years, another terrorist attack three days ago! Money, give me weapons, give me normal oil contracts and take away your ISIS *. User “Iraq” has been banned by the administrator for violating community norms. The administrator changed the name of the group to 109 Friends of Democracy. Biden: Sorry, we had a small technical overlap, we hope Iraq will be able to join us in the very near future We continue to discuss the defense of democracy, who is next? Netherlands: Mr. Biden, we would like to make a constructive proposal! Biden: Great! I’m listening. Netherlands: To disperse the population during rallies against democracy, you can let the cavalry forward, then, when the ranks of the protesters are broken, lower on them dogs and policemen with batons. To clean the survivors with water cannons, but add pesticides to the water. Water cannons were filled with pesticides And you are not? Netherlands: No. Um. Cool … Biden: What other pesticides? Netherlands: Thank you, the issue has already been settled! For the glory of democracy! Poland: Ani Troche. Macron: Poland, accept migrants. Poland: No. Why? Macron: I want to send a gift to my friend for the New Year. Johnson: Oh, you are such a brute. Macron: They told you not to do Brexit. Bring back the inflatable boats, by the way, here guys from the Middle East have come to visit you, but they don’t swim well. Johnson: Let’s go out … User “France” and user “UK” create a private chat. Biden: Friends, I remind you that You are discussing the protection of democracy and democratic values ​​in the modern world. A strong independent democracy requires a strong independent economy – and here we certainly have something to brag about. With us is the locomotive of the European economy – Germany! Germany: Herr Joseph, stop threatening Seffer Stream-2 with sanctions, please. We are now registering a German legal entity for him, further Sanctions will hit us. Biden: Why do you need Nord Stream 2? Germany: Herr Joseph, when the sun is not shining and the wind is not blowing, the German economy continues to be powered by Russian gas. And not only the German economy. About half of all natural gas imports to Europe come from Russian gas … Zelensky: Pane Nimechchina, please, give me a penny! Germany and Biden: So the IMF has just allocated you a tranche! Zelensky (looking out from under the table): We have already spent everything. Biden: $ 700 million ?! Zelensky: Yes. Now we have huge interest debts, we need to refinance. Germany: How long is it possible … Zelensky: Please, this is the last time! Just one loan, the last – and we are in the eyeballs! At least half a loan! I’ll do anything! If you want – suck … The administrator has temporarily restricted the ability to leave comments for the user “Ukraine”. Biden: Friends, please, let’s not forget why we are here today. We are not having an attraction here of sudden generosity, but a serious conversation about the future of democracy. Nauru: Excuse me, I’m just clarifying. Do I understand correctly that no one else will be given a loan today? Biden: That’s right. User “Nauru” left the chat Biden: Pf, me too … Users Antigua and Barbuda, Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Botswana, Cape Verde, Costa Rica, Dominica, Dominican Republic, Fiji, Ghana, Grenada, Guiana, Jamaica, Kenya, Kiribati, Malawi, Marshall Islands, Mauritius, Nepal, Nigeria, North Macedonia, Palau, Panama, Papua New Guinea, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines , Samoa, Sao Tome and Principe, Senegal, Solomon Islands, Suriname, Timor Leste, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuvalu, Vanuatu , Zambia have left the chat. … The administrator changed the name of the group to “70 Friends of Democracy”. The administrator changed the name of the group to “70 REAL DISCONTINUED Friends of Democracy.” Taiwan: By the way, since I was invited, it turns out that I am also a recognized democratic country? Biden and the EU: Ahahahahahahahahahaha! No. But this does not prevent you from being a true disinterested friend of democracy. Taiwan: What if China attacks? Biden: Don’t be afraid, we helped Georgia, we helped Ukraine, we will help you too. Georgia: Lol. ?? Biden: Um! Let’s better substantively discuss the issues of democratic freedoms in our countries. As you know, the United States of America has come a long way in matters of equality and protection of the rights of minorities – both ethnic and Gender. Niger: Regarding the issue of freedom … The administrator has blocked the user “Niger” due to violation of community norms. Biden: Sorry, not I know how it got into the chat, our specialists are already studying the possibility of interference from Russian hackers. Democratic countries should to fight against any manifestation of racism. EU: Grandfather, what are you doing? Niger is a country … ?? Biden: I mean? Seriously? ? The administrator added the user “Niger” to the chat. User “Niger” sent an obscene image to the Administrator. Niger: It’s for you, you stinking bastard. Burn in hell with your democracy. User “Niger” left chat Biden: What’s smelly? UK: Mr. President, maybe Niger was referring to that incident at the Glasgow Climate Summit … Biden: Sorry. Let’s go. Renaming the group to “69 REAL DISCONTINUED Friends of Democracy” Serbia: 69 is a good number, yes. The user “Russia” joins the group. Biden: What the hell is this? Russia, you can’t come here! The administrator has blocked the user “Russia” due to violations of community norms. The user “Russia” rejoins the group. The user “Russia” has blocked the Administrator due to violations of community norms. Vladimir Putin: Good afternoon, dear friends. All: 0_0 Putin silently looks at the monitor, then writes something into a notebook. Looks at the monitor – writes it down in a notebook. In the monitor – in the notebook. Denmark: What’s going on? Vladimir Putin: Yes, I do it the old fashioned way, but I don’t have a smartphone. Now, I’ll rewrite you by hand quickly. ”Do you know what they say? Who didn’t hide, I’m not to blame, bgg! Latvia: Russia ruined everything again! How do I leave this group? I can’t do it. Estonia: And I can’t. Lithuania: And I have … Putin: Until I rewrite you in my notebook, I can’t get out. However, even if you leave the group, you will not go anywhere from the planet. Let’s, maybe, try to come to an agreement in a civilized way? Tribaltika: No way! Putin (sighs): Well, let’s wait, let’s sit. Aleksandar, did you rewrite those who used to be? Vucic: That’s right, Vladimir Vladimirovich. It’s a pity you missed Ukraine here, by the way. There was an interesting offer for half a loan … The end.
From the Editor: This transcript is fictitious, and possible! will never actually happen. …



Source link