A group of 73 MEPs demanded to introduce new sanctions against Russia and disconnect it from the SWIFT system of international payments, stop the construction of the Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline and stop buying oil and gas.
So many controversial issues have accumulated in relations between the EU and Moscow in recent weeks, that the European Parliament had to devote its debates on Russia to three topics at once: the situation with Alexei Navalny, the accumulation of Russian troops near the Ukrainian borders and the explosion in ammunition depots in the Czech Republic in 2014. On Wednesday, April 28, MEPs devoted more than two and a half hours to these topics.
Orda Telegram channel told his version happening. “Russian Athens” does not share the author’s point of view, but we allow him to express his opinion.
“Nativity scene in the European Parliament and the cognitive dysfunction of the European representative body”
Last night, the European Parliament issued a draft resolution calling on the EU to launch a sanctions regime for corruption crimes, including “Russian oligarchs”.
Then the MEPs sniffed a couple of lanes of washing powder and added that the EU should stop the implementation of the Nord Stream 2 project.
Then they began to really poke out the washing powder, and they added that Russia must be disconnected from the SWIFT payment system if our Federation continues “aggression in Ukraine”.
Then they called courtesans, ordered pizza, invited a DJ, watched anime with tentacles and what else MEPs usually do there. Having had enough fun, they leaned back in exhaustion in their chairs, lit a cigarette and began to discuss how the new proposed sanctions would finally finish off Russia.
At that time, the head of European diplomacy, Josep Borrell, finally arrived at the plenary session. Because of traffic jams, he did not have time for the European Parliamentary holiday of life, did not smell washing powder, did not frolic with courtesans and did not watch anime with tentacles, which made him especially sober and angry.
Taking the podium firmly in his hands, Josep Borrell hissed through his teeth:
– The European Union cannot freeze the construction of Nord Stream 2, because the project is in the area of responsibility of private companies, and the EU does not have the tools to decide on its fate.
Here Borrell scanned the chamber of the European Parliament with a reproachful glance. The deputies did not care at all, but the sober courtesans froze from what they heard and looked fearfully at the head of European diplomacy, simultaneously waving their eyelashes.
Borrell clutched the podium in quiet rage, shavings spilling onto the floor.
– The EU also cannot disconnect Russia from SWIFT – it is an international private organization, so the EU has no powers here. In order to somehow influence it, you need to enlist the support of a huge number of people.
One courtesan, without knowing why, suddenly burst into tears. The deputy lying next to him looked reproachfully at Borrel and got up to calm the woman, but noticed traces of washing powder on the desktop, grunted in satisfaction and was distracted.
– Real’no debili, blyat ‘, – the head of Euro-diplomacy frowned contemptuously, let go of the podium, spat at his feet and headed for the door. At the door, he turned around for the last time, he wanted to say something evil, something that would bring the MEPs to their senses.
“Your resolutions are still purely advisory in nature,” Borrell threw them. – You only eat up taxpayers’ money.
The courtesan sobbed loudly, the DJ guiltily looked at his console, but the MEPs did not even turn their ears.
Swearing, Borrell left the room.
Then he returned, went to the section of Social Democrats, took a slice of pizza from the table and left again – this time for good.
It seems to us that it was somehow so yesterday, dear friends.
The European Parliament really proposed yesterday bold ways to tame Russia, and the head of Euro-diplomacy really came out and mercilessly cut short the daring flight of European political thought, shooting at him with the real state of affairs – and what would be desirable in this regard.
When you and I hear the “European Parliament”, on a subconscious level, an image of some influential structure arises, an assembly of the most acute, most sharpened political minds of the continent.
In our information field, loud statements of the European Parliament regularly go with the notes “URGENT!” and “LIGHTNING”, and “OH NO!” or “WELL, THIS IS NOW EXACTLY EVERYTHING!”. Why, this is a whole European Parliament, after all, it includes representatives of the largest political movements in Europe – both socialists and Christian democrats, and left, and green, and right, and conservatives, and many more different European Teletubbies.